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THE.  PENN  PUBLISHING  COMPANY 


Successful  Rural  Plays 

A  Strong  List  From  Which   to  Select  Your 
Next  Play 

FARM  FOLKS.  A  Rural  Play  in  Four  Acts,  by  ASTHUR 
LEWIS  TUBES.  For  five  male  and  six  female  characters  Tim! 

f  playing.  two  hours  and  a  half.  One  simple  exterior,  two 
easy  interior  scenes.  Costumes,  modern.  Flora  Goodwin  a 
farmers  daughter,  is  engaged  to  Philip  Burleigh.  a  young  New 

HI  I  hr  f  i  LPJ  mother  wants  him  to  marry  a  society  woman. 
and  by  falsehoods  makes  Flora  believe  Philip  does  not  love  her 
Dave  Weston.  who  wants  Flora  himself,  Lclps  the  deception  by 
intercepting  a  letter  from  Philip  to  Flora.  She  agrees  to  marry 
Dave,  but  on  the  eve  of  their  marriage  Dave  confesses,  Philip 
learns  the  truth  and  he  and  Flora  are  reunited.  It  is  a  simple 
plot,  but  full  of  speeches  and  situations  that  sway  an  audience 
alternately  to  tears  and  to  laughter. 

HOME  TIES.  A  Rural  Play  in  Four  Acts,  by  ARTHUR 
LEWIS  TUBBS  Characters,  four  male,  five  female.  Plays  two 

ours  and  a  half.  Scene,  a  simple  interior—  same  for  all  four 
acts.  Costumes  modern  One  of  the  strongest  plays  Mr.  Tubbs 
has  written.  Martin  Wmn's  wife  left  him  when  his  daughter 
Kuth  was  a  baby  Harold  Vincent,  the  nephew  and  adopted  son 
ot  the  man  who  has  wronged  Martin,  makes  love  to  Ruth  Winn 
wif  ISx?  -OV,-  by  Len  Everett-  a  prosperous  young  farmer.' 
When  Martin  discovers  who  Harold  is.  he  orders  him  to  leave 

utft.  Harold,  who  does  not  love  sincerely,  yields.  Ruth  dis 
covers  she  loves  Len.  but  thinks  she  has  lost  him  also  Then 
he  comes  back,  and  Ruth  finds  her  happiness. 


RnalTHEn  °LD-'  1SEW    HAM^SHIRE    HOME.      A    New 

England  Drama  in  Three  Acts,  by  FRANK  DUMONT.  For  seven 
males  and  four  females.  Time,  two  hours  and  a  half.  Costumes 
modern.  A  play  with  a  strong  heart  interest  and  pathos,  yet  rich 
1  "SiT  u  3Sy  *  Vct  ?nd,  very  Affective.  A  rural  drama  of 
the  Old  Homstead"  and  "Way  Down  East"  type.  Two  ex- 
tenor  scenes,  one  interior,  all  easy  to  set.  Full  of  strong  sit 
uations  and  delightfully  humorous  passages.  The  kind  of  a  play 
everybody  understands  and  likes. 

„  rTHE  A°?'I>KI)A-IRY  HOMESTEAD.  A  Rural  Comedy 
in  Three  Acts,  by  FRANK  DUMONT.  For  five  males  and  four 

emales.  Time.  two  hours.  Rural  costumes.  Scenes  rural  ex- 
tenor  and  interior.  An  adventurer  obtains  a  large  sum  of  money 
n  a  farm  house  through  the  intimidation  of  the  farmer's 
niece,  whose  husband  he  claims  to  be.  Her  escapes  from  the 
wiles  of  the  villain  and  his  female  accomplice  are  both  starting 
and  novel. 


F-  AA^F^-  MOUNTAIN  »OY.  A  Strong  Melodrama  in 
•ive  Acts  by  CHARLES  TOWNSEND.  For  seven  males  and  four 
temales.  and  three  supers.  Time,  two  hours  and  twenty  minutes. 
Jne  exterior,  three  interiors.  Costumes  easy.  The  hero,  a 
country  lad.  twice  saves  the  life  of  a  banker's  daughter,  which 
results  in  their  betrothal.  A  scoundrelly  clerk  has  the  banker 
in  his  power,  but  the  White  Mountain  boy  finds  a  way  to  check 
mate  his  schemes,  saves  the  banker,  and  wins  the  girl. 

THE  PENN  PUBLISHING  COMPANY 

PHILADELPHIA 


68- yo  Berkeley  Place 

A  Comedy  in  One  Act 


By 

WHITNEY   DARROW 

Author  of  "The  Merediths  Entertain  " 


PHILADELPHIA 

THE  PENN  PUBLISHING  COMPANY 
1922 


COPYRIGHT  1922  BY  THE  FINN  PUBLISHING  COMPANY 


68-70  Berkeley  Place 


TS 


68-70  Berkeley  Place 


CAST  OF  CHARACTERS 

At  68  Berkeley  Place : 

JOHN  GRAHAM,  A  New  York  business  man  who  has 

never  grown  up  % 

MARGARET  GRAHAM,  His  wife,  who  smilingly  puts  up 

with  many  things,  including  her  husband 

BETTY  GRAHAM Who  takes  after  Dad 

MARY The  maid 

At  70  Berkeley  Place : 

HENRY  COE,  A  New  York  business  man  who  has  never 

been  young 
DOROTHY  COE,   With  whom  Henry  has  to  get  along 

somehow 
WILLIAM  COE,  Eighteen  and  home  from  college  for  his 

first  summer  vacation 
MARIE Another  maid 

TIME  OF  PLAYING: — About  forty-five  minutes. 
COSTUMES  : — Modern. 


110917O 


COSTUMES 

JOHN  GRAHAM.    A  dark  business  suit. 

MARGARET  GRAHAM.     A  cheerful  morning  dress. 

BETTY  GRAHAM.     Sport  shoes,  skirt  and  sweater. 

MARY.     A  dark  dress,  cap  and  apron. 

HENRY  COE.     A  business  suit. 

DOROTHY  COE.  An  organdie  dress,  or  something 
light  and  fluffy.  Her  hair  should  be  elaborately 
dressed. 

WILLIAM  COE.  Flannel  trousers,  sneaks  and 
sweater. 

MARIE.     A  dark  dress,  cap  and  apron. 


PROPERTIES 

Vases  of  flowers  on  sideboards ;  a  dish  of  apples  on 
each  sideboard;  linen,  silver,  china,  etc.,  on  tables; 
trays  with  dishes  of  shredded  wheat,  eggs  and  coffee 
for  Mary  and  Marie;  newspapers  for  Mrs.  Graham 
and  Mrs.  Coe ;  water  carafe  for  Mary ;  pasteboard  tube 
to  act  as  "  Post-office";  handkerchief  for  Betty;  sta 
tionery  for  Mrs.  Graham;  cigar  for  Mr.  Graham; 
tennis  racquets  for  Betty  and  Bill ;  hat  and  brief  case 
for  Mr.  Graham ;  hat  for  Mr.  Coe. 


NOTICE  TO  PROFESSIONALS 

This  play  is  published  for  the  free  use  of  strictly 
amateur  companies  only.  Professional  actors  or  or 
ganizations  wishing  to  produce  it,  in  any  form  or 
under  any  title,  are  forbidden  to  do  so  without  the 
consent  of  the  author,  who  may  be  addressed  in  care 
of  the  publishers. 


68-7°  Berkeley  Place 


TIME  AND  PLACE 
A  summer  morning  breakfast  in  most  any  suburb. 

The  curtain  rises  disclosing  adjacent  dining-rooms  of 
twin  houses.  Each  has  a  dining-room  table  set  for 
three.  The  sideboards  are  back  to  back  with  a  thick 
partition  wall  separating  them.  The  wall  extends 
only  part  way  to  the  front  of  the  stage  so  that  each 
room  may  be  seen  from  both  sides  of  the  house. 
There  are  dishes  of  fruit  and  vases  of  flowers  on 
the  sideboards.  At  the  back  of  each  room  is  a 
window  near  the  partition.  The  shades  are  still 
draivn.  At  the  back,  just  beyond  the  window,  is  a 
door  to  the  street.  At  the  extreme  left  and  right 
is  a  door  leading  into  the  rest  of  the  house.  These 
dining-rooms  are  alike  to  the  smallest  detail.  The 
two  inside  doors  open  at  the  same  time  and  through 
each  appears  a  maid.  They  are  dressed  in  caps  and 
aprons.  They  are  just  alike.  They  must  be  twin 
maids.  They  walk  about  the  dining-rooms  doing  the 
same  things  at  the  same  time.  They  walk  to  the 
table  and  arrange  the  silver.  A  touch  of  color  is 
needed,  so  the  vase  of  flowers  they  thoughtfully 
place  will  not  hide  the  seated  breakfasters.  A  plate 
of  appetising  apples  is  brought  from  the  sideboard 
to  the  table.  Then  to  the  window  pulling  up  the 
shade.  Three  chairs  are  brought  from  different 
sides  of  the  room.  Back  to  the  door.  The  maids 
survey  the  rooms.  Breakfast  is  served.  The  maids 
leave.  The  dining-rooms  are  again  empty. 


6  68-70    BERKELEY    PLACE 

(MARGARET  GRAHAM  enters  the  dining-room  of  No. 
68  from  the  left  and  takes  her  place  at  the  /<//'/.-. 
She  picks  out  the  nicest  apple  and  puts  it  on  her 
husband's  plate  and  then  he  comes.) 

MR.  GRAHAM  (saunters  in  leisurely,  kisses  his  wife 
lightly  on  the  hair  and  takes  his  place  beside  her). 
Margaret,  what  is  the  news  this  morning? 

(He  unfolds  his  napkin  and  proceeds  to  cut  his  apple.) 

MRS.  GRAHAM.  I'm  sorry,  Jack.  I  did  forget  your 
paper.  (Rings.  MARY  enters  L.)  Mary,  will  you  go 
to  the  door  and  see  if  the  Tribune  is  there  yet? 

MARY.     I  think  the  boy  just  came,  Mrs.  Graham. 

(MARY  goes  to  the  door  and  gets  the  paper,  giving  it 
to  MR.  GRAHAM,  but  she  can't  resist  glancing  over 
the  headlines  as  she  brings  it.) 

MR.  G.  Don't  you  realize  how  I  rely  on  my  paper 
at  breakfast?  After  all  these  years  married  what 
would  we  talk  about  if  it  wasn't  for  the  paper? 

(He  opens  to  the  center  of  the  paper  at  once  and  for 
the  moment  the  apple  is  forgotten  but  MRS.  GRAHAM 
seems  to  be  enjoying  hers  until—  —) 

MRS.  G.  After  you  have  finished  with  the  funnies 
and  the  baseball  scores,  will  you  turn  and  see  if  they 
are  still  having  that  sale  of  summer  suits  at  Stern's? 

MR.  G.  Don't  you  realize,  my  dear,  that  a  man's 
breakfast  paper  is  supposed  to  free  him  of  embarrass 
ing  interruptions  and — er — financial  touches? 

MRS.  G.  I  thought  most  men  read  the  paper  for 
the  news. 

MR.  G.  That's  where  you  are  wrong.  We'll  take 
that  as  the  text  of  our  morning  lesson.  My  frieivK 
the  morning  newspaper  is  to  ;i  man's  breakfast  what 
a  competent  private  secretary  tries  to  be  for  the  rot 
of  the  day. 

(He  puts  the  paper  down  by  his  plate  and  tries  in  cat 
and  read  at  the  same  time.) 


68-/O    BERKELEY    PLACE  7 

MRS.  G.  Why  doesn't  Betty  come  ?  That  girl  is  at 
just  the  age  where  she  has  to  primp  an  hour  before 
breakfast. 

MR.  G.  (puts  down  his  knife  and  goes  to  the  door 
L.).  I'll  call  her.  Betty!  Betty!  Here  Betty,  Betty, 
Betty.  (He  returns  to  his  place  at  the  table.) 

BETTY  (from  a  distance).  Meow,  meow.  All  right, 
Dad,  I'll  be  down  in  a  sec. 

MRS.  G.     You  are  as  big  a  kid  as  she  is. 

MR.  G.  And  that  kid  is  terribly  interested  in  our 
landlord's  son,  one  William  Coe.  With  this  house 
shortage,  rather  a  good  idea,  eh  ?  Used  to  be  the  idea 
to  get  the  landlady's  daughter  if  you  wanted  a  second 
piece  of  pie.  Henry's  a  pretty  cold  proposition  but  I 
ask  you  straight,  Marge,  could  a  man  throw  his  son's 
father-in-law  out  of  a  house  ? 

MRS.  G.  Talk  sensibly,  Jack.  They  are  still  only 
children  and  Bill  is  just  through  his  freshman  year. 
Anyway  I  think  Henry  is  a  little  worried  over  it  and 
much  annoyed. 

MR.  G.  That's  not  because  he  doesn't  like  Betty. 
He  is  afraid  he  can't  get  us  out  of  this  house. 

MRS.  G.  This  house  business  is  turning  your  head, 
Jack. 

MR.  G.  Don't  you  realize  that  we  are  even  now 
paying  the  purchase  price  of  the  house  each  year  for 
rent  ?  And  that  grouch  thinks  he  can  get  more. 

MRS.  G.  Henry  is  very  serious-minded.  Dorothy 
is  silly  about  it,  though.  She  is  always  saying  it  would 
be  so  romantic  if  Betty  and  Billy  fell  in  love. 

MR.  G.  There  isn't  much  romance  about  Henry. 
If  he  ever  had  any  Dorothy  drove  it  out  years  ago. 

MRS.  G.  By  the  way,  how  do  you  like  my  new 
morning  dress? 

MR.  G.  Fine.  I'm  glad  you  aren't  one  of  those 
Women  who  slide  in  to  breakfast  at  the  last  minute  in 
a  mother  hubbard  or  a  kimono  because  only  huslnnd's 
here.  I  always  associate  a  kimono  at  the  breakfast 
table  somehow  with  a  preference  for  silk  hose  with 
runs,  to  perfect  lisle. 


8  68-70    BERKELEY    PLACE 

MRS.  G.  It  seems  to  me  you  know  more  than  is 
necessary  about  the  details  of  women's  wear. 

MR.  G.  Well,  for  me,  one  attractive  wife  at  the 
breakfast  table  is  worth  three  at  dinner. 

MRS.  G.     Let's  go  ahead  with  breakfa-t. 

MR.  G.  Oh,  wait  for  Bet,  she'll  be  right  down.  I 
have  time  and  can  read  a  minute. 

(He  divides  the  paper  with  her  and  they  read.) 

(Into  the  dining-room  of  No.  70  DOROTHY  COK  trips 
from  the  right,  gaily  humming  to  herself.  She 
fusses  with  the  flowers.  She  rearranges  the  silver. 
She  moves  her  husband's  chair  nearer  hers.  She  is 
still  standing  when  her  husband  comes  in  with  a 
business-like  air  and  takes  his  place  without  a 
word.) 

HENRY  COE.  Where's  the  paper  ?  I  can't  lose  time 
every  morning  waiting  for  it. 

(He  takes  an  apple  and  starts  to  peel  it.) 

DOROTHY  COE  (walks  to  the  back  of  his  chair  and 
puts  her  arm  about  his  neck  and  musses  his  hair  and 
kisses  it).  You  bad  man.  Can't  you  love  your  Doro 
thy  a  little  instead  of  reading  the  horrid  paper?  (She 
pats  his  cheek.)  Oh,  Henry,  did  you  cut  yourself 
shaving? 

MR.  C.  (brushes  her  aside).  No,  of  course  not,  you 
know  I  don't  use  a  safety  razor.  Where's  the  paper? 

MRS.  C.  I'll  get  it  for  you  myself.  (Goes  to  the 
door  R.  and  gets  the  paper  and,  bringing  it,  holds  it 
behind  her  back.)  Upper  hand  or  lower? 

MR.  C.  Say,  this  is  a  business  man's  breakfast  and 
not  a  kindergarten  class. 

MRS.  C.  (hands  him  his  paper).  There  is  the  paper 
for  my  nice  boy.  (She  plays  with  his  hair  just  to  get 
him  in  a  good  humor  and  doesn't  seem  to  understand 
why  it  doesn't.)  Now  won't  you  talk  to  me  since  I 
have  done  this  for  you  ? 


68-70    BERKELtV    PLACE  9 

MR.  C.  I'll  talk  to  you  all  right  if  you  do  anything 
more.  Sit  down  and  eat  your  apple. 

MRS.  C.  (pouting}.  Oh,  Henry,  I  don't  want  an 
apple.  (Sits  at  table.) 

MR.  C.  Don't  keep  saying  "  Oh,  Henry."  I'm  not 
a  short  story  writer.  Eat  your  apple;  (and  seeing  she 
is  going  to  cry  he  softens  a  bit)  you  know  an  apple  a 
day  keeps  the  doctor  away. 

MRS.  C.  (coyly  through  her  tears).  Are  you  really 
jealous,  Henry,  just  because  I  said  I  thought  Dr. 
Brooks  was  awfully  good  looking? 

MR.  C.  Don't  be  foolish.  I  was  just  quoting  a  say 
ing  I  often  hear  among  men  on  the  train. 

MRS.  C.  (still  hoping  he  was  jealous).  I  guess  all 
commuting  husbands  are  jealous,  leaving  their  wives 
alone  all  day. 

MR.  C.  Piffle !  Bill  will  be  down  in  a  minute  and 
he  has  enough  slush  for  one  family. 

MRS.  C.     I  really  think  Will  is  in  love. 

MR.  C.     Don't  call  him  Will.    And  he  isn't  in  love. 

MRS.  C.  Betty  is  such  a  lovely  girl  and  it  would 
be  so  romantic. 

MR.  C.  That's  no  reason  for  me  to  support  her  too. 
Let's  eat.  (They  eat.) 

(In  No.  68.) 

BETTY  GRAHAM  (dances  in  looking  very  lovely}. 
Isn't  this  a  gorgeous  .day  for  tennis  ?  I  just  adore  it ! 

MR.  G.  If  you  can't  get  any  of  the  girls  to  play  with 
you,  perhaps  /  could  stay  and  play  a  couple  of  sets. 

MRS.  G.  Don't  tease  her,  Jack.  You  know  you 
won't  play. 

MR.  G.  But  I  may.  Girls  can't  put  up  any  kind  of 
practice  for  her. 

MRS.  G.     She  may  not  have  to  play  with  girls. 

MR.  G.  You  know  I  wouldn't  think  of  allowing 
her  to  do  anything  else.  She's  just  a  child. 

BETTY.  Dad,  you  ancient  relic,  finish  your  fruit 
and  can  the  dialogue.  I'll  start  with  cereal  so  as  to 
catch  up  with  you. 


IO  68-70    BERKELEY    PLACE 

MRS.  G.  (rings).     Mary,  please  bring  the  cereal. 

(MARY  enters  L.) 
MARY.     What  cereal  will  you  have,  Mr.  Graham? 

(In  No.  70  MARIE  has  been  summoned  and  has  taken 
the  fruit  plates.) 

MRS.  COE.     Marie,  tell  Mr.  Coe  what  cereals  we 
have.     (Like  a  two-part  song  they  recite.) 

MARY.  Cornflakes. 

MARIE.  Post  Toasties. 

MARY.  Shredded  Wheat. 

MARIE.  Grape  Nuts. 

MARY.  Post  Toasties. 

MARIE.  Corn  Flakes. 

MARY.  Puffed  Rice. 

MARIE.  Shredded  Wheat. 

MARY.  Puffed  Wheat. 

MARIE.  Bran.     (MR.  COE  shivers.) 

MARY.  Grape  Nuts. 

MARIE.  Puffed  Rice. 

(In  No.  70.) 
MR.  COE.     Shredded  Wheat,  Marie. 

(And  he  goes  back  to  his  paper.) 
(In  No.  68.) 

MR.  G.     Shredded  Wheat,  Mary. 
BETTY.     Mother,  what's  the  use  of  Mary's  reciting 
her  little  piece  every  morning  for  Dad?     He  ahvay^ 
says  shredded  wheat.     I'll  bet,  Dad,  at  lunch  you  al 
ways  insist  on  the  whole  tray  of  French  pastry  buntf 
brought  and  then  you  point  and  say  "  I'll  take  that " 
and  it's  always  the  chocolate  eclair. 
(MARY  and  MARIE  bring  shredded  ichcaf  for  all,  al 
though  Father  was  the  only  one  asked  what  he  would 
have.     They  cat.) 

(In  No.  70.) 


68-70    BERKELEY   PLACE  II 

MRS.  C.  Please  hurry,  Henry  dear.  I'm  sure  you'll 
be  late. 

MR.  C.  (from  a  mouthful  of  shredded  wheat}. 
Never  been  late  yet. 

MRS.  C.     Shouldn't  you  start  soon  ? 

MR.  C.  It  isn't  when  you  leave  for  the  train  that 
counts.  It's  when  you  get  there. 

MRS.  C.  Some  day  you'll  try  and  get  on  the  train 
when  it's  moving  and  fall  and  — 

MR.  C.  Forget  it.  I  carry  accident  insurance,  don't 
I?  What's  the  use  in  paying  the  premium  for  years  if 
you  never  take  chances.  (Thunders.}  Where's  Bill? 
(Calls.)  Bill! 

BILL.  Coming,  Dad.  (He  enters,  R.)  I  didn't 
know  breakfast  was  ready. 

MR.  C.  You  don't  need  fruit.  Eat  your  cereal  and 
you  may  get  through  when  we  do. 

MRS.  C.     I  want  Will 

MR.  C.     Bill. 

MRS.  C.  I  want  Bill  to  eat  a  nice  big  breakfast. 
Growing  boys  need  it. 

MR.  C.  In  the  summer  when  I  was  his  age  I  was 
out  with  a  dinner  pail  at  6.30. 

MRS.  C.     Yes,  and  Bill,  look  at  your  father  now. 

(BILL  has  to  cover  his  face  with  his  napkin  to  conceal 
his  emotions.) 

MR.  C.     Well,  what's  the  matter  with  me? 

BILL  (raises  his  hand  as  in  school).  Shall  I  answer, 
Father  ? 

MR.  C.     I'm  talking  to  your  mother. 

MRS.  C.  My  dear,  I  only  meant  you  seem  always 
tired. 

MR.  C.  Who  wouldn't  be  with  what  I  have  to 
stand  ? 

MRS.  C.     I  know  your  work  is  hard. 

MR.  C.  I  am  not  alluding  to  work.  Oh,  what's  the 
use!  (Goes  back  to  his  paper.) 

MRS.  C.     Bill,  there's  your  shredded  wheat. 

BILL.     Wheat,  did  you  say? 


12  68- JO    BERKELEY    PLACE 

MR.  C.  (looks  over  the  top  of  his  paper).  1  once 
knew  another  young  man  who  in;uk  puns  for  break 
fast. 

MRS.  C.  (excitedly).  Oh,  tell  us  about  him.  What 
happened  to  him  ? 

MR.  C.     Nothing,  only  he's  still  tending  furnaces. 

(BILL  and  MRS.  COE  are  subdued  for  a  while  and  at 
tend  to  their  shredded  wheat,  eatiny  slowly.  They 
talk  in  undertones  during  the  following.) 

(In  No.  68.) 

MR.  G.  Margaret,  ask  Mary  to  bring  me  another 
glass  of  water  and  make  it  cold. 

MRS.  G.     You  seem  unusually  thirsty.     (Rings.) 

(MARY  enters  and  at  a  word  from  MRS.  GRAHAM  re 
plenishes  MR.  GRAHAM'S  glass.) 

BETTY.  Haven't  you  been  married  enough  years, 
Mother,  to  know  that  when  a  man  drinks  lots  of  ice- 
water  for  breakfast  you  should  never  ask  why  he's 
thirsty — just  keep  his  glass  rilled? 

MR.  G.  I  guess,  Marge,  that  mothers  to-day  will 
have  to  sit  at  the  feet  of  their  daughters  for  instruc 
tions  in  what  a  mother  should  know. 

BETTY.  Yes,  Mother,  there  are  scads  of  things  you 
should  know  which  I  will  explain  when  you  are  a  bit 
older. 

MR.  G.  That  reminds  me.  Betty,  will  you  go  up 
stairs  and  get  me  a  handkerchief?  You  will  find  one 
in  the  top  drawer  of  my  chiffonier. 

BETTY.     You  know,  Dad,  service  is  our  motto. 

(She    rises,    clicks    her    heels    together,    salutes    and 
marches  away,  off  L.) 

MR.  G.  I  sent  her  out  on  purpose.  Tin  n  i-  some 
thing  funny  going  on.  I  meant  to  look  around  before 
she  came  down  but  forgot. 

MRS.  G.  (frightened).    What  '!<>  y<>u  im-an,  Jack? 


68-70    BERKELEY    PLACE  IJ 

MR.  G.  It's  nothing  serious.  {He  gets  up  and, 
still  with  his  napkin  in  his  hands,  walks  slowly  up  and 
down  the  side  of  the  room  where  the  sideboard  is, 
looking  at  the  floor,  wall  and  ceiling,  all  the  while 
talking.}  It's  about  this  room.  I  caught  Betty  here 
last  evening  feeling  around  the  wall.  She  blushed 
terribly  when  I  came  in  and  I  knew  she  was  up  to 
some  prank.  (He  leans  down  and  carefully  looks  at 
a  spot  on  the  wall  about  two  feet  from  the  floor  and 
in  front  of  the  sideboard.)  Hello,  what's  this?  It 
looks  like  a  patch. 

MRS.  G.  (comes  to  his  side  and  kneels  and  looks  at 
the  spot).  It's  a  piece  of  new  paper  but  it's  like  the 
old. 

MR.  G.  (picks  at  it  and  draws  out  a  pasteboard 
tube).  On  this  end  someone  has  pasted  a  flat  card 
and  put  over  it  wall  paper  so  it  wouldn't  be  noticed. 
Theresa  paper  in  the  tube.  (Laughs  heartily.)  I  see 
it  all,  Marge.  This  is  Bill  Coe's  idea.  This  is  Betty's 
and  Bill's  post-office. 

MRS.  G.     Quick.     Put  it  back.    Betty  is  coming. 

(Goes  back  to  her  place  at  the  table  and  rings  for 
MARY.  ) 

MR.  G.  (puts  tube  back  in  place  and  covers  it  up 
but  keeps  the  note.  He  glances  at  it  as  he  gets  back 
to  his  place  at  the  table  and  chuckles).  Here's  where 
we  have  some  fun  with  Bill.  After  a  while  send  Betty 
for  something  and  I'll  read  the  note  to  you  and  tell 
you  what  we  will  do. 

(In  No.  70.) 

MRS.  C.  (rings.  MARIE  enters  R.).  Marie,  take  the 
cereal  dishes  and  bring  the  eggs.  Better  bring  the 
coffee  first.  I  will  pour  it. 

(In  No.  68.) 

BETTY  (enters  L.).  Here's  your  handkerchief.  Any 
other  service  I  can  render  the  elderly  gentleman? 


14  68-70    BKRK.tLEY    PLACE 

MR.   G.     None,  except  to  sit  down  and  be  quiet 
while  I  read  and  sip  my  coffee.     (BETTY  sits.) 
MRS.  G.     I  have  rung;  it  will  be  right  here. 

(In  Nos.  68  and  70  MARY  and  MARIE  bring  in  pots  of 
coffee  and  then  go  back  to  the  kitchen  for  boiled 
eggs  which  they  place  on  the  table,  and  then  retire.) 

(In  No.  70.) 

MRS.  C.  I  have  to  be  so  careful  about  your  coffee, 
dear.  I  never  let  anyone  else  pour  it.  I  know  just 
how  much  cream  you  like,  don't  I,  dear? 

MR.  C.  Don't  you  know  that  more  business  deals 
have  been  spoiled  by  a  poor  cup  of  breakfast  coffee 
than  by  any  lack  of  ability? 

BILL.     You'd  better  rely  on  coffee,  Dad. 

MR.  C.  Is  that  the  way  they  teach  you  to  talk  at 
college  ? 

BILL.     That's  heredity. 

MR.  C.  I  have  a  mind  to  take  you  out  of  college 
and  put  you  to  work. 

MRS.  C.  Really,  you  wouldn't  think  of  that,  Henry? 
Will,  I  mean  Bill,  will  be  on  the  Glee  Club  next  year 
and  he's  on  the  Sophomore  Dance  Committee.  Think 
what  that  will  mean ! 

MR.  C.  I  guess  you  are  right.  He  must  have  that 
to  be  a  successful  business  man.  It's  the  reason  I 
haven't  done  better.  It's  so  unfortunate.  I  can  neither 
sing  nor  dance.  Rot ! 

(Reads  the  paper  while  he  eats  his  eggs  and  drinks  his 
coffee.) 

(In  No.  68.) 

MRS.  G.  I  hate  to  trouble  you,  Betty,  but  would 
you  mind  running  up-stairs  and  tying  the  laundry  up  ? 
The  man  will  be  here  before  we  finish  breakfast  and 
he  won't  wait. 

BETTY.     Certainly,  Mother. 

(She  skips  away,  off  i..,  sinying.) 


68-70    BERKELEY    PLACE  15 

MR.  G.  Now  for  the  dirty  work.  First  listen  to 
this.  (Takes  the  note  from  his  pocket  and  reads  it 
aloud.)  "  Darling — Isn't  this  fun  right  under  the 
eyes  of  the  Old  Folks  at  Home?  Aren't  they  the 
stupid  ones  ?  Let's  make  a  bigger  hole  and  I  will  crawl 
through  myself.  Remember — at  the  Club  at  eight  for 
tennis.  Love  and  kisses.  Bill.  P.  S.  I  may  not  go 
back  to  college.  If  not,  we'll  get  married.  Are  you 
game?  I  haven't  any  money  but  Dad  has  plenty." 
Oh,  boy !  he  left  the  barn  doors  open  and  he  can't 
blame  me  for  driving  in.  Got  any  paper  ? 

MRS.  G.     There's  some  here  on  the  sideboard. 

(Gets  paper  from  sideboard,   brings  it  to   him  and 
stands  at  his  side  watching  him  as  he  writes. ) 

MR.  G.  (reads  as  he  writes).  How's  this?  "Bill 
dear — Glad  to  get  this  direct  information  that  Dad 
has  plenty  of  money.  Get  him  to  pay  me  the  five  he 
borrowed  last  month.  Go  ahead,  make  the  hole  bigger. 
It's  his  house,  not  mine  you  are  tearing  down.  When 
the  opening  is  large  enough  we'll  crawl  through  and 
let  Dad  support  us  all.  But  nix  on  the  marriage  stuff. 
It's  enough  to  have  to  live  in  the  same  house  with  you. 
It  may  be  fun  under  the  eyes  of  the  Old  Folks  at 
Home,  but  cut  it  out,  Kid,  or  you'll  be  singing  Way 
Down  Upon  the  Sewanee  River.  One  of  the  Stupid 
Ones.  P.  S.  By  the  way,  Bill,  you  may  be  a  college 
student  but  I  am  a  college  graduate.  Try  someone 
else  next  time." 

MRS.  G.  (goes  back  to  her  place  at  the  table  and 
sits).  That's  sort  of  rough  on  him. 

MR.  G.  In  the  mail  box  it  goes.  I'd  like  to  see  our 
village  cut-up  when  he  reads  that. 

(He  puts  it  in  the  tube  and  goes  back  to  his  chair.) 

(In  No.  70.) 
(MR.  COE  is  still  reading  his  paper.    MARIE  enters  R.) 

MARIE.  If  you  please,  ma'am,  the  grocery  man  is 
here. 


l6  68-70    BERKELEY    PLACE 

(MRS.  COE  rises  and  exits  R.  MARII.  follows  her, 
leaving  BILL  and  MR.  COE  alone.  BILL  (jets  up. 
stretches,  walks  bach  and  forth  ichistlini/  very  loiv 
and  playing  with  his  pencil.  He  gives  his  father  a 
glance.  Then  he  drops  his  pencil  just  in  front  of 
the  " post-office"  stoops  to  get  it  and  takes  advan 
tage  of  the  time  to  raise  the  flap  of  wall  paper,  put 
his  fingers  in  the  tube  and  draw  out  what  he  thinks 
will  be  a  nice  love  note  in  answer  to  his.  MR.  COE 
begins  to  take  an  interest  in  what  is  going  on.  MR. 
COE  jumps  up  and  grabs  the  note  from  BILL  before 
BILL  knows  what  has  happened.  Then  MR.  COE 
kneels  down  to  inspect  things  for  himself  just  as  MR. 
GRAHAM  decided  to  see  what  has  happened  to  his 
note,  with  the  result  that  both  stick  their  eyes  to 
the  opening  at  the  same  instant  and  as  quickly  each 
replaces  his  flap  of  wall  paper  and  jumps  up  ejacu 
lating  "Damn!" 

(In  No.  68  MR.  GRAHAM  had  just  gone  to  take  his  look 
through  the  mail  box,  but,  while  he  was  caught  by 
MR.  COE,  he  got  back  to  his  place  again  wit  It  out 
BETTY'S  knowing  he  had  discovered  her  secret. 
BETTY  enters  R.  and  takes  her  place  at  the  table  and 
resumes  her  breakfast.) 

(In  No.  70  HENRY  COE  reads  the  note  aloud  as  MRS. 
COE  enters  R.) 

MRS.  C.  (pausing  to  listen}.  Why,  Henry,  what  is 
it  you  are  reading? 

MR.  C.  (stamping  up  and  down  the  room}.  Our 
little  boy  has  been  trying  to  carry  on  his  love  affairs 
by  tearing  out  the  walls  of  my  house  and  installing  a 
post-office  and  the  young  lady's  father,  who  seems 
about  the  age  of  our  son,  has  tapped  the  wires  and 
now  the  young  man's  father  is  going  to  take  a  hand. 

MRS.  C.  (agitated}.  You  aren't  going  to  spank  him. 
Henry? 

MR.  C.     Spanking  would  be  too  light 

BILL  (laughing}.    I  am  afraid  it  would. 


68-70    BERKELEY    PLACE  I'J 

MR.  C.  (shaking  his  finger  under  BILL'S  nose).  Re 
member,  you  are  my  son  and  under  my  roof  and  not 
yet  of  age.  You  will  do  as  I  say.  I  will  make  you 
ashamed  of  what  you  have  done.  You  will  stay  in 
your  room  at  the  far  side  of  the  house  for  a  few  days, 
favoring  us  with  your  presence  only  at  meals. 

MRS.  C.     Can't  he  finish  his  breakfast  ? 

MR.  C.  Yes,  he  can  finish  it  and  then  go.  Perhaps 
it  will  give  him  a  chance  to  develop  his  long  neglected 
mind. 

BILL.  But  I  have  a  very  important  tennis  engage 
ment  at  the  Club. 

MR.  C.  Someone  else  can  keep  it  then — not  you. 
Eat! 

(MR.  COE  resumes  his  paper  and  reads  scowling.    MRS. 
COE  sits  at  table  and  looks  sadly  at  her  boy.) 

(Meanwhile  in  No.  68.) 

MR.  G.  Another  cup  of  coffee,  Marge,  with  my 
cigar,  please.  I  have  just  a  few  minutes  left. 

MRS.  G.  (pouring  coffee).  You  shouldn't  drink  so 
much  coffee,  should  you,  Jack?  You'll  be  sick  eating 
the  way  you  do. 

MR.  G.  Don't  ever  imagine  the  family  need  worry 
about  buying  flowers  to  put  on  Father  as  long  as  he 
feels  like  a  cigar  after  breakfast. 

BETTY.  I  like  to  see  Dad  enjoy  his  breakfast  smoke. 
He's  so  much  more  amiable. 

MRS.  G.  I  don't  think  Mr.  Coe  ever  smokes  until 
after  dinner. 

BETTY.  He  acts  as  though  he  didn't.  He  never 
smiles. 

MR.  G.  That  gives  me  an  inspiration.  I  guess  I'll 
mail  him  a  cigar  and  see  if  I  can  make  him  smile. 

(Goes  to  wall  and  takes  out  the  tube  and  puts  a  cigar 
in  it. ) 

BETTY  (aghast).     Dad!     That's  mean.     How  long 

have  you  known  of  this? 


|8  68-70    BERKELEY    PLACE 

MR.  G.  Oh,  Rill  and  I  carry  <>n  a  ri-^ular  corre 
spondence  this  way.  He  calK  im-  Darling  and  1  say 
lovely  things  to  him. 

BETTY.  But  it  was  just  for  fun,  Dad.  Bill  hail 
one  of  these  at  college  between  his  room  and  the  next. 

MR.  G.  Don't  worry.  I  don't  mind,  but  I  gm-» 
Henry  Coe  will  have  difficulty  seeing  the  humor  of  it 
and  he  wouldn't  like  all  the  walls  knocked  out  just 
because  you  two  want  to  play  post-office.  II 'e  used  to 
play  that  but  didn't  tear  down  nouses.  Maybe  the  cigar 
will  cheer  him  up. 

(He  writes  a  note  in  his  note-book,  tears  it  out  and 
wraps  it  around  the  cigar  in  the  tube  and  puts  it 
back  in  place  and  then  knocks  on  the  wall.) 

(In  No.  70.) 

MR.  C.  Now  what's  up?  (Raps  are  repeated.) 
Must  be  another  message  for  Bill.  (He  raises  the 
flap  and  looking  in  pulls  out  the  cigar  and  the  mes 
sage.  With  the  cigar  in  one  hand  he  holds  the  note 
in  the  other  and  reads  it  over  very  solemnly  and  then 
a  broad  grin  creeps  over  his  face.  Still  grinning  he 
puts  the  cigar  in  his  mouth  and  lights  it.  MRS.  COE 
and  BILL  stand  and  gaze  in  astonishment  and  then  he 
reads  aloud  his  note.)  Listen!  I  found  this  in  the 
post-office.  "  It  does  seem  awfully  long  ago,  but  you 
and  I  were  young  once,  Henry.  Let's  smoke  on  tin- 
way  to  the  train  and  talk  it  over.  Meet  you  outside. 
Jack."  Bill,  forget  about  going  to  your  room.  Better 
keep  your  engagement  at  the  club.  (BILL  jumps  and 
gets  his  racquet  which  leans  against  the  wall,  kisses 
his  mother  and  starts  to  the  door  R.  )  And,  Bill ! 

BILL  (pausing  in  doorway).    Yes,  Father. 

MR.  C.  I  suppose  when  I  get  back  to-night  in  some 
mysterious  way  this  wall  will  have  been  repaired  ? 

BILL.     Yes,  Father. 

(Exit  R.) 

MR.  C.  I  am  going  to  get  my  hat.  I'll  be  right 
back. 


68-70    BF.RKELEY    PLACE  19 

(Exits  R.     A  whistle  is  heard  and  is  answered  by) 
(In  No.  68.) 

BETTY.  I  must  run.  Some  of  the  girls  said  they 
would  be  at  the  club  early. 

MR.  G.     Give  my  love  to  "  the  girls,"  Betty. 

BETTY  (raps  MR.  GRAHAM  on  the  head  with  her 
racquet).  Dad,  you  are  an  old  fraud  but  I  love  you 
just  the  same. 

(She  kisses  him  and  her  mother  and  runs  out  L.) 

MR.  G.  (gets  his  hat  and  brief  case  from  the  other 
room  and  comes  back.  At  the  door  he  stops  and 
turns').  Marge,  how  about  inviting  Bill  in  to  dinner 
to-night  so  as  to  show  there's  no  hard  feelings. 

MRS.  G.  I  will,  Jack.  They  are  still  but  children 
and  will  have  to  work  their  own  way  out. 

MR.  G.     We  did,  didn't  we? 

MRS.  G.     Yes,  Jack,  and  we  are  still  happy. 

(She  kisses  him.) 

MR.  G.     Good-bye.    I  mustn't  keep  Henry  waiting. 

MRS.  G.  (rises).  I  will  go  to  the  window  and  watch 
you  leave. 

MR.  G.  And  don't  overlook  the  smile  a  morning 
smoke  can  bring  even  to  Henry. 

(Exits  R.     MRS.  GRAHAM  goes  to  window.) 
(In  No.  70.) 

(MR.  COE  returns  to  the  dining-room  with  his  hat  and 
picks  up  the  paper  and  comes  to  MRS.  COE  to  say 
good-bye. ) 

MRS.  C.     Wasn't  that  romantic  in  Bill  ? 
MR.  C.     Romantic  nothing! 

MRS.  C.     He's  just  as  you  were  at  that  age.     Re 
member  we  were  engaged  when  we  were  eighteen  ? 
MR.  C.     Did  I  act  that  way? 
MRS.  C.     Henry,  you  used  to  write  one  every  day 


2O  68-70    BERKELEY    PLACE 

even  though  you  were  to  see  me  in  the  evening. 
Lunch  notes  you  called  them. 

MR.  C.  Well,  I  lived  through  it;  maybe  they  can. 
(He  kisses  her  and  smiles  and  puts  Iris  hand  on  her 
shoulder. )  Don't  mind  me.  Maybe  all  I  needed  was  a 
smoke.  Jack's  a  good  fellow.  We'll  have  to  have 
them  for  dinner.  Betty  too.  Must  hurry  now ;  it's 
late  and  I  don't  want  to  keep  Jack  waiting.  Good-bye, 
Dorothy. 

MRS.  C.  By  the  way,  Henry,  won't  you  run  into 
McCreery's  for  me  to-day  and  get  me  some  silk?  I 
have  a  sample  up-stairs  I  want  matched.  I  will  have 
it  in  just  a  minute.  (As  she  puts  down  her  napkin 
and  rises,  MR.  COE  stealthily  slips  behind  her  and  exits 
hastily  R.)  Why,  Henry!  Henry!  (HKNKY  lias  gone. 
She  turns  and  gazes  at  the  floor.)  He  has  gone.  He 
loafs  for  an  hour.  I  keep  urging  him  to  hurry  and 
then  just  the  minute  I  ask  him  to  do  something  he  has 
to  run.  Now  isn't  that  just  like  a  man? 

(She  goes  to  the  window  and  waves.) 

(The  curtain  falls  as  MARGARET  and  DOROTHY  qre 
standing  at  their  windows  watching  their  men  hurry 
to  their  train  arm  in  arm  and  with  smiles  on  their 
faces. ) 


CURTAIN 


Unusually  Good  Entertainments 

Read  One  or  More  of  These  Before  Deciding  on 
Your  Next  Program 

A  SURPRISE  PARTY  AT  BRINKLEY'S.     An  En- 

tertainment  in  One  Scene,  by  WARD  MACAULEY.  Seven  male  and 
seven  female  characters.  Interior  scene,  or  may  be  given  with 
out  scenery.  Costumes,  modern.  Time,  one  hour.  By  the 
Author  of  the  popular  successes,  "Graduation  Day  at  Wood  Hilfl 
'School,"  "Back  to  the  Country  Store,"  etc.  The  villagers  have' 
planned  a  birthday  surprise  party  for  Mary  Brinkley,  recently 
graduated  from  college.  They  all  join  in  jolly  games,  songs, 
{(conundrums,  etc.,  and  Mary  becomes  engaged,  which  surprises 
the  surprisers.  The  entertainment  is  a  sure  success. 

JONES  VS.  JINKS.  A  Mock  Trial  in  One  Act,  by 
EDWARD  MUMFORD.  Fifteen  male  and  six  female  characters,  with 
supernumeraries  if  desired.  May  be  played  all  male.  Many  of  the 
parts  (members  of  the  jury,  etc.)  are  small.  Scene,  a  simple 
interior ;  may  be  played  without  scenery.  Costumes,  modern. 
Time  of  playing,  one  hour.  This  mock  trial  has  many  novel 
features,  unusual  characters  and  quick  action.  Nearly  every 
character  has  a  funny  entrance  and  laughable  lines.  There  are 
many  rich  parts,  and  fast  fun  throughout. 

THE  SIGHT-SEEING  CAR.  A  Comedy  Sketch  in  One 
Act,  by  ERNEST  M.  GOULD.  For  seven  males,  t,vo  females,  or 
may  be  all  male.  Parts  may  be  doubled,  with  quick  changes,  so 
that  four  persons  may  play  the  sketch.  Time,  forty-five  minutes. 
Simple  street  scene.  Costumes,  modern.  The  superintendent 
of  a  sight-seeing  automobile  engages  two  men  to  run  the 
machine.  A  Jew,  a  farmer,  a  fat  lady  and  other  humorous 
characters  give  them  all  kinds  of  trouble.  This  is  a  regular  gat- 
ling-gun  stream  of  rollicking  repartee. 

THE  CASE  OF  SMYTHE  VS.  SMITH.  An  Original 
Mock  Trial  in  One  Act,  by  FRANK  DUMONT.  Eighteen  males 
and  two  females,  or  may  be  all  male.  Plays  about  one  hour. 
Scene,  a  county  courtroom ;  requires  no  scenery ;  may  be  played 
in  an  ordinary  hall.  Costumes,  modern.  This  entertainment  is 
nearly  perfect  of  its  kind,  and  a  sure  success.  It  can  be  easily 
produced  in  any  place  or  on  any  occasion,  and  provides  almost 
any  number  of  good  parts. 

THE  OLD  MAIDS'  ASSOCIATION.  A  Farcical  Enter- 
tainment  in  One  Act,  by  LOUISE  LATHAM  WILSON.  For  thirteen 
females  and  one  male.  The  male  part  may  be  played  by  a 
female,  and  the  number  of  characters  increased  to  twenty  ori 
more.  Time,  forty  minutes.  The  play  requires  neither  sceneryj 
nor  properties,  and  very  little  in  the  way  of  costumes.  Cam 
.easily  be  prepared  in  one  or  two  rehearsals. 

I       BARGAIN   DAY   AT   BLOOMSTEIN'S.      A    Farcical' 

Entertainment  in  One  Act,  by  EDWARD  MUMFORD.  For  five  males 
and  ten  females,  with  supers.  Interior  scene.  Costumes,  mod 
ern.  Time,  thirty  minutes.  The  characters  and  the  situations 
which  arise  from  their  endeavors  to  buy  and  sell  make  rapid-fire 
fun  from  start  to  finish. 

IHE  PENN  PUBLISHING  COMPANY 


UNIVERSITY  OF  CALIFORNIA  LIBRARY 

Los  Angeles 
This  book  is  DUE  on  the  last  date  stamped  below. 


Form  L9-50m-4,'61(B8994s4)444 

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THE  NATIONAL  SCHOOL  OF 
ELOCUTION  AND  ORATORY 


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40J2  Ch£slaJilSti«HE  LJHKAKi  Philadelphia 

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LOS  A&GELES 


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